I'll admit it, I'm a crier. I always have been. If I'm sad, upset or even really happy, there are tears. Monday afternoon was one of those crying days.
Monday afternoon my grandmother called me at work. From the tone of her voice when she said my name, I knew it wasn't going to be good news. My grandfather had some blood work done last month. When the results came back, the doctor thought the lab made an error because the results were very off. He had the testing again last week, and Monday the results came. It wasn't good. His white cell count was very high, and normally that means leukemia. After she said that word, that's all I could focus on. Not again. My grandfather has already been through cancer before multiple times and has come out a survivor. So why put him through this again?
There have been several songs that have been on my mind during this whirlwind of a week. One of the first ones was "Sometimes I Cry" by Jason Crabb.
"But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry ...
But I try to look strong
As the whole world looks on,
Sometimes alone I cry
I try to speak faith
Never give that old devil, no, not even an inch to get in
I do worship and praise
Let everybody know just where that I stand
And on the back of my old four-wheel drive Chevy
Is a fish and a cross for the world to see
'Cause I know my God is good, all of the time
Yes, there's no doubt for me."
I tried to be strong while I was on phone with my grandmother, but I couldn't. The tears came no matter how hard I willed them not to. And I was at work and certainly didn't want to turn into the blubbering baby that I did. My coworkers are a mixed bag, some believers and some not. I want to be strong and show that God will help my family through this, but I was hurting and just cried.
I know that God is in control. I'm trying to speak words of faith when I tell people or give them updates. I'm trying to let my actions reflect my faith, and praise Him all the way through. But when I got home Monday afternoon to the sanctity of my bedroom, all I could do was cry. Tears streamed down my face and I begged and pleaded with God for healing.
It's been a rough week with a lot of crying and tears. But the line that's really been sticking out for me in the song, is that "I know my God is good, all of the time. Yes, there's no doubt for me." Regardless, God is good. There's no doubting that. God's healed him and helped him many times before. God is good ALL OF THE TIME. Through any situation, God is good.
I debated on sharing all of this, but my family and I covet your prayers. He's had more testing this week that we won't know the results of until next week. We're praying for healing, for God to show His great power. And we're keeping in mind that God is good all of the time, there's no doubt.