This summer, I took a step I never thought I would as a single woman. I purchased a home. A series of events led me to decide to start looking for a place to buy instead of rent. I found a condo that I loved for not much more per month than what my current rent was. It seemed like the perfect opportunity, a condo that already included appliances and was nearly double the space of my apartment. And buying a condo meant I still didn’t have to do yard work, and as a single woman this was important! :)
Everything went pretty smoothly, and I was confident that God had opened this door. The seller accepted my first offer, and I was set to move in late August.
The Monday morning before I was supposed to close on Thursday, I got an email from my mortgage consultant about the loan. When it was going through underwriting, they discovered some issues with the loan. And if the loan did happen, I would need more money at closing than what they initially quoted me. I panicked. I thought, “Ok, God, you seemed to be bringing me to this place. What happened?” I was set to move in less than a week and would no longer have an apartment in less than two weeks.
I called him back and, of course, no answer. He had requested additional documents in the email, so I sent those to him. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I was the door was about to be closed, and I would be left without a place to live.
My mortgage consultant finally got back with me, explained the situation and told me even more documentation that was needed. I was able to get everything to him. But I wouldn’t get answers that day.
I got home from work, and I broke. I was trying to be a grown-up and make this huge purchase on my own, but at that moment I felt like a scared, little girl. At my breaking point, I thought about the song “Hold Me While I Cry” by Karen Peck and New River.
“It’s been one of those days,
If anything could go wrong it went wrong,
I know I’m feeling sorry for me,
There’s a lot of self-pity going on.”
It had definitely been “one of those days.” I just needed to relieve the stress of the day and cry it out, and so that’s what I did.
Here I was making one of the biggest decisions of my life, trying to prove my independence and that I was a “real adult” now, but all I wanted to do was cry and feel my Heavenly Father near me, holding me. I prayed and cried and wondered what was going to happen next.
“I take a lot of your time,
When I should be strong,
I should be standing by now when it’s you I’m leaning on...
I try to be strong, but if anyone can fall apart, I fall apart…”
I had tried to be strong and hold it together all day long, but in the comfort of my bedroom that afternoon, I couldn’t any longer. I know we’ve all experienced days like this, many situations I’m sure a lot more serious than this one. We've tried to hold it together, but then when we get alone, all we can do it go before God and just cry out to Him.
I needed strength from God to get through this. I honestly had no idea what was going to happen in the coming days. The last part of the first verse says:
“Tomorrow I will be ok
The dawn will bring a brand new day
I’m sure by then I’ll be fine…”
The sun would come up the next morning, and I would be ok. I had to start looking at the positives. I had friends who I could stay with for a while if I needed to, and I could always rent somewhere to put my furniture. I started thinking logically and making those “what if” plans. It would all be ok in the end, no matter what happened. God had a plan, even if I wasn’t sure what that was anymore.
Wednesday afternoon, one hour before I was scheduled to do the final walk-through of my condo, I got the call that everything was approved. The amount I would need the next morning to close was actually less than what I was originally quoted. God had indeed worked it all out, even far better than I had thought!
That Monday afternoon when I was crying it all out to my Father, I had no idea how much He would provide just two days later. Sometimes we just need to cry out to God after “one of those days,” and be reassured that it’s all in His control. He will give us strength, and hold us when we cry.